lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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