I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
