Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
