Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
