Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
