dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
