eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
