oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Randomize
