God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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