So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
He kissed a someone with a penis
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
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