Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
