I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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