I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
