You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
