if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
