you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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