Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
why do cheetos always look like penises
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Randomize
