Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
