so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
