the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Randomize
