bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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