your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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