I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
