i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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