you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
