If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
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