Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
