no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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