Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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