Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
