friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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