stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
