I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
