how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
The cops high fived after they tackled you
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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