Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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