He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
