Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
ttyl tear gas
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
