last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
