That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
