1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
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