I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
