Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
