I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
