Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
