All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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