I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
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