3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
