i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
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