What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize
