Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
