Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
