So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
