oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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